I recently watched an interview a woman had with John Mayer in which he explains the story behind writing “Daughters”, which is the third single from his 2003 album Heavier Things. The premise for writing it was because he was frustrated with the woman he deeply loved at the time because she couldn’t receive his love due to the messy relationship she had with her father. And I have to admit… I’ve never felt more understood in all my life.
There was no doubt in my mind what my score would be when I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. After the counselor calculated my score she shared with me what I already knew: ENFJ. Now, I don’t hold these personality tests as “gospel” by any means, but I do believe they can be helpful in understanding ourselves and how we relate to others. According to the score I received on this specific personality test, I have a strong desire to love others deeply and make sure they receive my love. This is where I understand the lyrics behind “Daughers”:
“I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too… “
I’m writing this tonight because I’m tired. I’m weary of being misunderstood for how I love people. To give of yourself over and over again only to be misunderstood for the millionth time takes a toll on you after a while. There’s a weariness of well doing that only disappointment can breed. The disappointment doesn’t come from the love not being reciprocated. The disappointment sinks in when it is so misunderstood due to the fact that the person I am wanting to express the love to in a healthy, holy way has a hard and fast inability to receive it and TWIST it as something evil. The moment I realized, however, that maybe it wasn’t me, but the inability for others to receive love because of something broken inside of the other person, was like a burden lifted from my back. I’m reminded over and over again in Scripture how important it is to deeply love, yearn for even, those in our immediate touch points every day. The Apostle Paul expressed a yearning and longing for the church at Philippi through his letters to them, loving them with the affection of Christ commanding us to do the same.
I had a pastor one time tell me that my greatest strength is my love, but my it is also my greatest weakness. This has been proven true more times than I can count. Especially tonight… I’m just tired.