The last 4 months since my last post “Disappointment of a Failed Adoption”, my God has done incredible things in which I had no hand in. It was all part of His incredible sovereignty. Four months ago we got news that the sweet baby girl we were trying to adopt would actually become adopted by her grandmother. While I rejoiced for the fact that this baby would be loved and adored, I still mourned and grieved the loss of what I thought would be. I grieved what I thought at the time was a failed adoption. For us, grieving a failed adoption was more than just grieving the disappointment of the loss of a dream or time; we grieved a particular child with a face, with a personality and the loss of intimacy with that specific child. Like any parent, we remained concerned for this sweet girl’s well-being. Thoughts arose like, who will care for her basic needs, will she ever learn to stop self-soothing through rocking herself to sleep, will someone rub between her eyes to help her fall asleep, will her grandma know how sensitive her skin is, will she remember that she always puts her pacifier in the cup holder of her car seat? Silly concerns to most, but we KNEW this baby. For us, there was no semblance of closure like there was with our miscarriages. We knew life had ended for our babies, but this life still continued. Just without us. We let ourselves feel it. Together.
BUT GOD…. I love when Scripture uses these words to interject hope into the darkness and hopelessness of suffering…. BUT GOD! He did far immeasurably more than we could ever ask or think. With the continued faith of my husband’s passionate pursuit for the heart of that little girl, he told me that would continue doing the next thing that was needed to graft her into our family. He told me we would continue the parenting classes, continue furnishing a room that would be specific to this child, he told me we would continue visiting her and making sure she knew our love for her. I have to admit, I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to be disappointed again. But, I chose to listen to him and follow the plan he had set for our family. And so… we did. We did each step that was necessary to win her to ourselves. In the grieving I found the comforting arms of my Savior once again. In the grieving and waiting I found a faithful Friend who continued to stay close and never left me. In the grieving I found God to be Sovereign over all creation and life. All along this journey I’ve found Him. More of Him. And that’s what my longing heart wanted and needed all along. Him. The One who formed me. The One who chose me. The One who had already planned out the life of our sweet girl.
Four weeks ago we received a call that the grandmother decided she did not want to follow through with the adoption. My husband’s prayer was answered. He prayed specifically that she would realize what was best for this child. And she did. By God’s grace. A week later we got a call from the child’s case manager stating that our application to adopt our blue eyed beauty was accepted. However, there is another couple loosely related to the baby that is also trying to adopt her as well. The situation looks dim and dark once again, but God has already moved mountains and changed hearts to get us to the point we are at now.
Please pray. This little girl’s life hangs in the balance of a fallen judicial system. Over the next 4 months the court system will decide whether we are the best option of placement for baby B. There will be several interviews, home studies, and other steps to jump through before anything is final or decided. We are fighting for life, a Gospel saturated life, when it seems like the world around us wants to end lives of children. There is still so much more to this story that is still being written. I cannot wait to document each step as we see more of our Savior and the Gospel on display in beautiful ways.