In the heat of summer with wide eyes, open arms, and a heart that longed for acceptance, there I stood. A 5 year old little girl with arms outstretched to the Heavens asking whoever it was that was up there to show me love.
Some of my earliest memories as a little girl were the times when I would go on walks by myself to the creek that was behind our condo. I was a little girl who had already been jaded by divorce, abuse, and pain. The world wanted me. Satan wanted me. Even as a young child I remember experiencing a darkness of spiritual nature. Nightmares would plague my childhood for years. Dreams about creatures, spirits and demons would invade my sleep, and I would wake up petrified of what was unknown in my young mind. To this day, I remember those nightmares as if they were memories that had become attached to experiences. Being afraid of the dark is still something I carry with me as a 27 year old woman. During this time of thick darkness in my life, I still knew there was something other than darkness. I now see God’s protection and pursuing nature alive and moving in my life from a very young age. He would later send a woman and her daughter into my life to oppose the darkness with the Light they carried in their hearts, and it would lead to the salvation of my soul.
The fact that God refers to Himself as “Father”, requires me to engage in the experiences I had with a lack of fatherhood in my own life. To know the characteristics of a father, is to have had experiences with a father in the first place. How could a little girl who had no experience with “fatherly characteristics” understand the pursuing and compounding love that is the Creator’s love? Well, that’s the beauty of God being the Author and Perfecter of our faith. I bet you’re wondering how all of this is connected?
If you lost your child during the night, or if she was taken away from you and carried away from your protection, what would you do? I don’t even have children, but I know one thing… I would move HEAVEN and EARTH to receive that child back to me. To embrace, comfort, nurture, protect and LOVE that child with every fiber of my being. I know this because God has place eternity in my heart. He has given me the understanding in my heart to KNOW that He loves me. The problem and disconnect is that because of the suffering and affliction of my experiences in life, whether my own choices, or the darkness that tried over taking me as a little girl, I need to be STRENGTHENED to “comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that I may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19). You see, His love is like a wave of the ocean. When you stand on the beach and you first put your feet in the ocean, you cannot withstand the waves that push you over. GOD’S LOVE IS THE EXACT SAME WAY. We do not even have the strength in and of ourselves to receive, accept, understand, or desire His love. It is THAT strong. It is THAT deep. It is THAT wide. It is THAT precious. It is THAT lovely. It is THAT perfect. It is by that strong, deep, wide, precious, and perfect love that He pursues us. He moves Heaven and earth to draw us to Himself. Why? Because we are worth it…
My wide eyes are looking up, arms are outstretched and open. Lord, love me… and somehow, let me love you with my life.